So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
