it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
