I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
