There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
