I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Oh god it's open bar.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
