New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
