she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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