When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
