oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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