A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
