Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
