I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
