So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
