the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
