i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
they need to just BURY HIM!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
