I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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