I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
