he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize