i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
