nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
