Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
