Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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