Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
