my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
