Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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