she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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