there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
