First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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