And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
