I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
