This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
