smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
