but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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