I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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