if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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