so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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