Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
