I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
