Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
one might say we're banned from that church
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
