there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
