I just pynch a tree in the face
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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