So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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