Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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