..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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