the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
