did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
