Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This is the prime rib incident all over again
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
