I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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