so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
honey bunches of taint.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize