make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
