Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
