The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
