every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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