Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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