The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
