Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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