Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my being single is dangerous.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
