I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
