what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
