While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
