Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
