Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
