I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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