need another drink. this is the easiest way
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
