Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
