apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
