Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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