I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
