I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
