There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
