i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
