I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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