If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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