Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
