I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
