Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
