I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
