Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
