You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
