You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
