I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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