Cold hands, warm shart.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I want to be your penis for a week.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
