I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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