Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
