Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
