i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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