check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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