You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
