paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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