I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
