please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
this just has baby written all over it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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