Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Blood and glitter go together right?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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