The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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