How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
