Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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