I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Randomize
