I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize