I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
