Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
