I'm so fucking centered right now
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
