I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
