So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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