I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
