It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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