oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize