This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
