i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
