you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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