My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
