that's what penises do
they tell lies.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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