i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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